May you find "abundant peace from heaven", Safta

My grandmother passed away 2 Saturdays ago. She was the last of my grandparents.

Now, to be perfectly honest, we were all rather relieved when we heard the news. See, her last few years (she was 93) were rather painful - physically and emotionally. It was a mix of Alzheimer's, dementia, tumors on her uterus the size of grapefruit putting pressure on her lungs, blood so thin that if she just barely bumped her arm she'd start bleeding, immense loneliness; you name it. I think I "made my peace" with her passing years ago, probably nearly a decade now. Then again, that could be also b/c she didn't express much in the way of love - instead, she reserved criticisms centering on weight just for me. "You're FAT! Men don't like fat women. You know, I was never fat. I was a ballet teacher. You're sister is so pretty." You doubt this as just my biased memory? Ask my siblings. This is truly how she'd speak (but in Hebrew, of course). Last time my sister visited, the first thing grandma said was, "You got fat!" Meanwhile, my sister had just a few months prior given birth to my nephew.

Anyway, my father, brother and sister flew to Israel for the funeral & to take care of her things. In my brother's absence, I flew to TX to help his wife take care of their 2 babies. So that explains my being in TX today. It seems that while they were in Israel, my family had quite a few interesting discussions (others we'll cover in future posts). Which brings me to the topic here...

When did my parents get old?

I mean, take my father: the same lines around his eyes, gray whiskers, big (strangely rock-hard) belly, intimidating professor's stance, slightly receding hairline that he had when he was 47. But now he's 67. And my brother is talking about getting him a "medic-alert" button, in case he falls. What?!? Sure, he had a quintuple-bypass operation a few years back, but... fall?

It was weird enough in my late teens when I had that shocking epiphany that my parents were human. You know - fallible, not omniscient, guilty sometimes. Just like me. So I guess this is that other "shift" in the life-cycle, when you stop being taken care of by your parents & start returning the favor. But in doing so, one can't help but ask...

Am I getting old? Already?

And you start noticing the wincing exhale you make when getting up out of a car's bucket-seat, worry if you're saving enough for retirement, fear that little kids don't consider you in the same visual category as 20-somethings anymore, count how many prescriptions you're on... Have you heard that theory? Supposedly, if you're on more prescriptions than the decade you're in (i.e. 3 drugs in your 20's), you're in bad shape. And you wonder, "Am I where I wanted to be?" Am I doing what I imagined? Earning what I hoped? Experiencing adventures like I planned? With the person I dreamed of? Or if not with anyone, is it getting to late for this old ass to find that love?

I believe you're as young as you feel, as young as you WANT to feel. So, you're definitely going to find me in that NYC marathon one of these days, even if I'm 20 years older. As for my parents, well, a "medic-alert" button is just something I'll have to get used to... They are human, after all.